...

home sweet home

2008-07-04T11:34:00.002-04:00

i am home.
the united states of america.
i will be moving to nashville in about a week.
a place i hope to call home for awhile.
but, let me get back to the experience i just had.
sitting in the airport at 1:30 am waiting for our plane that leaves at 4:00.
god, who travels that early? why?
i look at bill and shaylan and can see the last 6 weeks. it occurs to me that in order to have survived the lies, the corruption, the stealing, we ourselves had to become part of it. i won't elaborate on the details but in the end, it was quite painful. it exhausted us.
i myself, have had moments in my life where i have lied, cheated and stole. it almost killed me. so much so that i had to change. it was either change or die. i remember choosing life.
but, what i can't get out of my head is the every day life that one must choose in order to have anything in kurdistan. iraq. a 3rd world country. a place that is more open minded than most of the middle east or is it? or does it hide behind those ideas?
kurds are a resilient people. it is true they have survived much more than either you or i could ever imagine. wait, maybe i shouldn't compare because everyone has their own hell and they deal with it in their own way.
but, it is true, that the kurds have been tortured, killed, gassed, kicked out of their home land returning only when it was safe, to find that all that was theirs was now owned by others. most likely the government. and now the daily struggle to make ends meet is a constant.
joining in the corruption just might be easier. food for your family. electricity. comfort. conform. be bought. have a better life.
i find it incredibly ridiculous that a country that is so rich in oil can not supply basic services for their people. electricity and water would be a good place to start. maybe if they had those things they would become a more prosperous people. maybe they would want to change. maybe the education would get better. maybe they could think for themselves. maybe the psychological effects of all the years wouldn't be so heavy because they would start to think more positive and life wouldn't be so hard. or would it?
our last day in kurdistan we had an interview with a woman who works in the ministry. she is a success story because she fought for what she wanted. she chose a husband from a different religion. HUGE. and she has a career. she is also one of the only people who said clearly "women here are lazy. they know that all they need to do is marry a man and stay home and take care of the children. why would they change? they don't need to."
i understand her. i get it. don't we also do that here in america? yes, we have many things that others don't. but, we are the same in that things work through corruption, greed, and lies. doesn't every system? in our personal lives we still struggle to tell the truth. do we lie because we're afraid? because we're afraid that in the end we won't get what we want? is it about personal survival? in my own experience lying is never the way to go. it always turns out bad and someone always gets hurt.
but to lie in a 3rd world country.....maybe it is about survival.
maybe i'm dreaming. maybe i just have too much hope in humans. maybe my ideals are ridiculous and i should look the other way. it would be the easier softer road to take. close my eyes. move on. live in my clean pretty life.
today, i don't have to see hungry dirty children, starving animals, trash, smell poopy water, see men just "hanging out" , women covered in black in scorching heat, breathe dust filled air, smell cigarettes and bad cologne, eat a kabob.
but, today i will miss my friends in sulimaniah. the connection i have with them is beautiful and hard to come by. i will miss the children's faces and their eyes. because i think they must know more than i. i will miss the landscape of the most majestic mountains i have ever seen. i will miss the struggle of the people who want to make it right and the conviction that they have. it is honorable. i will miss the laughter of the 4 germans and their pure way of looking at life. and their talk of bad drivers. a translated version of their website:
(http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=de&u=http://www.n48e11.de/&sa=X&oi=translate&resnum=1&ct=result&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhttp://www.n48e11.de/%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den)
i will miss the experience of traveling with my brother. waking up to "good morning sister". seeing his love for me. a true gift.
and, at the end of all of this, we had an adventure. we found ourselves on mountain tops, along borders in the middle of the night, on tiny roads with cliffs to one side, having tea with random people and being shown things that maybe, well, let me just ask, why doesn't everyone know? bill and i would look at each other like: what? how did we get here? why are they telling us this?
it is what it is. and may the film show all of it.
i had another experience.
it was arduous but rewarding.

today is independence day in america.

today, i get to have a good cup of coffee and take my dogs on a hike before it gets too hot. then, i get to lay by a pool, swim, i get to eat an organic salad with avocado and hey, maybe a movie later. i get to do this because i choose to.
because i am free to do so.
glorious.....

shaylan, simone, bill

lady cops!

"zee germans"

shaylan

somewhere in kurdistan

gas

funeral

somewhere else...

love

2008-06-19T11:59:00.000-04:00

when my heart is broken,
i can't eat.
i can't sleep.
i cry at anything.
i get angry easily.
getting through a day takes a lifetime.
whenever i think about my love i can barely breathe which is all the time.
and then, one day, i am okay.
the acceptance has come.
hope is restored.

but, imagine feeling like this all the time....

i can not. i have been heartbroken a few times in my life and though they were great "learning" experiences i would never wish the pain on anyone.

i am comparing the feeling of being broken hearted to some of the experiences i have had here lately. it is difficult for me to write about it because i have a love for kurdistan and the kurds. but......yesterday i walked through trash to find people looking for food, for money, for things to sell. women, children, and men. i walked over a little hill and there was the dirtiest pond you've ever seen with dogs lounging about. cooler, i guess. they stared at me from their space. there were also puppies. little tiny happy puppies amongst all the trash. i love the dogs here. they are an interesting looking breed. but, i tend to get a little involved. the other day i saw a kid pretending to kick a dog that was tied up. not thinking i marched right over and asked him if he would like me to kick him. there was a bit of a crowd and my voice cracked and i am sure they wondered who the crazy american lady was. i talked/yelled about respect. how could you respect yourself if you disrespected other beings? even a dog. i think some peshmerge were amused as one decided to translate for me.

though this country is beautiful and much better than most parts of iraq the are things that are missing from an every day life. fundamentals such as electricity and water. when we stayed with friends we began to know the schedule of when there would be "national" electricity and local electricity. we got used to it yes, but, because we had to. i want you all to imagine in the middle of your hot summer what it would be like without electricity. no air conditioning, no refrigerator, no hot water, no washer and dryer........god, it really started to piss me off. maybe for a moment you can picture the break down in a society simply because there is no electricity. but wait, there are some who have it all the time. yeah, there is a way for everyone in this country to have light. oh and btw: just because i stay in a hotel doesn't mean the electricity doesn't go off here. but, they have generators. it's a must. no business without.

but the thing that is missing the most: love
yesterday a woman told us that kurds love romance movies because there is a lack of love in their society. titanic is a favorite. but, that being said, she is a woman who was divorced because her husband chose to be. she now works for an organization trying to build a future for younger generations. she says she has no hope for herself (she is only 30) but maybe for her daughter's generation. she feels sorry for the younger kids because they are not allowed to fall in love. to have the freedom to be together. it is still not a society that completely allows this. i can not imagine my life without all the experiences i have been allowed to have. falling in love being one of the greatest gifts ever. being free to choose. being free to just love.

i have a belief that love is the opposite of fear.

today, i choose love...

below are photographs of us with rasha's grandmother from mosul who made us the best lunch ever. she said she didn't like americans until she met us.....and then, of course, children.....pure

life in kurdistan

2008-06-17T13:54:00.001-04:00

oh where to start.......

life has been quite exciting if not a bit hilarious since we last spoke.

first, it is hot as hell.
i have even heard a few kurds say "maybe this is hell".....
i find myself melting and fighting for cover. i used to marvel at a human lying under a tree that was smaller than he. but now, i get it. i only walk on the shady side of the street and sometimes i wish i had a burka even though it's black!

we have been traveling a lot. not much internet and honestly i haven't had a clue about what has been going on in the world until today. i am in my own hotel room with cnn. luxury.
but seriously......omg. wtf?
there is some stuff going down in this part of the world isn't there?
it's the heat.
it's gotta be.

anyways, we have had some adventures. the film is taking a new course. of course. it's mind boggling at times. there is just far too much information. my god. but, it's good. i'm happy. excited. little perplexed. but, good.

so, we had a driver. yay. loved him. same age as me (looked 50). but, he didn't read or write or speak english and our translator had other business. bummer. big bummer because we kept getting lost and if it hadn't been for shaylan and his map we might have ended up in iran or mosul. all roads seem to lead to mosul around here. anyways, the traffic laws are nonexistent. the roads are ridiculous and there is no car insurance so it is every man for himself. i have had many a moment where i thought a head on collision was possible. needless to say our driver is no longer with us. but we had some interesting times. i have spent a few moments pondering our situation and the country we're in.
it's a bit mind blowing....
one can only laugh and breathe.

on our travels we have run into 4 german boys. 22 and 23 year blonde boys in 2 campers driving across the middle east on holiday. yes. they are here on vacation. lol. when they came to the border between turkey and iraq they were asked what their business was. "we're tourists" terrorists? "no, tourists" it is not something the guards hear every day.....but, as crazy as it sounds this is such a good thing for kurdistan. europeans coming for vacation?

speaking of tourists and traveling.......on our way to sulimaniah the other day we saw many trucks that looked oddly out of place. they looked as if they might be from afghanistan. and then there were camels. yes, camels. we pulled off the road and walked into their camp. i must say that it was something more out of a movie than anything i have ever experienced. the sun was high i couldn't see the settings on my camera. i was cursing praying i would get one good shot. a woman and her four children. she and i communicated in sign language. and the only arab word i know. shukran. i can not tell you what the whole experience was like. i wanted to sit. wait. see what would happen. watch the sun go down. i was perplexed by the situation. how? why were they there? well, because it is safer here than anywhere else.

again.....northern iraq.
safe.

the germans have arrived at our hotel. it is shaylan's birthday tomorrow (june 18th). we are having a party. i am hoping some women will come. overload on testosterone.
i am missing my girls.....

more adventures to come...
working on 4th video blog....

i can

2008-06-11T10:59:00.000-04:00

our days start early and lately i have been falling asleep in my clothes.

i find myself waking with the thought of wanting to just stay asleep.

i can't go out and shoot.
i can't ride in another car with another crazy driver.
i can't put on tons of sunscreen that makes me feel sticky.
i can't speak in sign language.
i can't smell the poopy water anymore.
i can't squat over a hole and hold my pants so they don't get wet.
i can't do any of it.

and then.....we're on a road trip.

kirkuk.
we went to a stadium where people have built homes. well, huts i should say.
the people living there had been kicked out of their homes and off their lands by saddam. they now live in the stadium with not really much hope of getting their homes back. the hope of a new life is there but the frustration is high.
there are no porta potties. there is no running water. people sleep six in a room the size of my bathroom. no, i'm sorry, smaller than my bathroom. there was a cow tied to wall. unhappy cow. you would be too standing in the heat like that with no shade or water. cats and dogs. ugh, my stomach turns and really i have started telling myself "they'll be better off when their dead". i followed two baby ducks. they were covered in mud and pecked at anything on the ground not finding food. this is where i lost it. i started to cry and couldn't stop. hid behind my sunglasses and camera as a woman spoke with us about her life. oh god. keeping it together was difficult for simone.....and then, the children. lovely beautiful little beings with light in their eyes. curiosity and just sweetness. they gathered 1,2,3,4,5,6,........on and on. they stood in a line and told me their names. they surrounded shaylan with his camera and the laughter was intoxicating. a young man asked for some help for their sports team. he wanted a donation of equipment for the kids.
(bill has asked and one of the cleveland sports team is getting on that. woo-hoo!)

i can.

hawler/erbil.
i wanted a shot of the kalat (old castle in the center). i wanted beautiful shots of the kalat. we have a new driver. bekir. he speaks no english. but, shaylan and i made it to the top of the kalat in the middle of the day. taking a shot of the city below i swear my eyes started to sweat. shaylan began melting. we came back later to shoot the sunset. all the dust here makes a beautiful sunset. still looking for a specific shot we came back the next morning. walking through small alley ways i followed a little girl in red and witnessed a little neighborhood. it was awesome. the women came from behind their doors and the children gathered. at one point a scared black cat ran through and caused quite a raucous. the most amazing things happen when you just stop and watch. i leaned against a wall and watched people chat, laugh, look, and just be. the colors were lovely. and once again shaylan was surrounded by children. he is so gentle. i just love him.

i can.

football stadium erbil.
what girl doesn't want to shoot a bunch of soccer players? fuuuun. the iraqi soccer team. cool, huh? they won the asia cup last year. they are a team made up of kurds, turks, sunni's, and shia's. of course for their dreams to become a reality, playing in their home, things must change. security is the reason the other teams don't want to come. security....

i can.

duqon

2008-06-10T02:35:00.000-04:00

hmmmmmm......

2008-06-04T07:07:00.000-04:00

hello all.

i am struggling with blogging. it is not from the lack of things to talk about. there are many things i would like to write. i find that i have become a bit careful. and often times i can not believe that i find my self in the midst of so much. there is no other way to describe any of this other than to say, "it's a lot".

the story is complicated. the word complicated has become a cop out. but, when one tries to describe the situation here there are many routes to take but it always comes back to some sort of twisted weave.

the last few days have been great. it is so hot and dusty that it has been difficult to breathe. it is hard to understand why anyone would live here. but like anyone, the kurds want to be a nation. they want a democratic society and pray that the united states won't let them down. it seems to me that they are the only part of the middle east that has sort of a "right mind" about them. they want their women to work. they believe their women are just as powerful as the men. they want their kids to be educated. they want freedom of speech. freedom of press. at one point they wanted to be the 51st state in the U.S. they love the americans for taking down saddam but are afraid of being left. if we leave, they will be "slaughtered" as one man put it.

i did not mean to get so serious but i have been surrounded with this daily. i am living amongst the locals. i love this. i love the kindness. i would hate for the face of america to change in their eyes.

beautiful days....

btw: this is our 2nd video blog. we have been having extreme difficulty with uploading but i think we have fixed the situation. more to come soon!

what a team...

suli bazaar

it's hot!

they hang out a lot!

independent newspaper

sex and the city

2008-05-30T07:33:00.002-04:00

today "sex and the city" opens. i am melancholy thinking about how fun it would be to sit in a dark theater with my girlfriends. i am saddened thinking it might be gone when i get back. but, i heard i can go to the bazaar here and find a copy.
you think?

things have been good. i am constantly learning about this culture and myself. though i talked about the difficulty in traveling with shaylan i find him to be my greatest ally. i look into his face and often times see myself. the things that irritate me about him are some of my best traits. lol. but the deal is i am continually challenged. for example, yesterday we took a trip to halabja. it is a place known for being gassed by saddam in 1988. the town itself lost thousands of people. i wanted a shot of the city. i needed something close but vast. we started to drive up a mountain but i wasn't feeling it. then, i saw this water tower. beautiful. climb up, take the shot. great. we get there and i realize this tower is like 200 feet high (shaylan says 150). well, i am terrified of heights. but like a good soldier i climb. as kurdish men watch from below. shaylan is behind me with the camera on his back. bill is shooting from below. i start to panic half way up. shaylan calmly says, "you can do this. look up. you must trust yourself. you are okay." i was okay. but, i got to the top and then there was another top. yeah, no. shaylan of course kept climbing. i followed but then stopped holding on to the ladder and decided shaylan should take the shot. btw: i trust his eyes. sometimes i look at his photos and i think that i took it. he and i have similar tastes. i trusted. i climbed down. shaylan got the shot. i didn't get a round of applause but shaylan did. and, he is now known as "jack bower". later shakhawan told me that all the men wondered why i didn't get an operation to get rid of my freckles. lol. can you imagine?

i have more stories.....how about the 3 of us having to check in with the police because we are staying longer than 10 days. in doing so they told us that we would need AIDs tests. yes, it's true. so, we all trooped down to a hospital and got needles stuck in us and blood drawn. i must say the idea of getting an AIDs test alone is tricky if you've got a weak stomach. but, in IRAQ? come on. we thought bill was going to pass out. he did good and i happened to have a lollipop for him. the guards remarked on seeing such a big guy with a lollipop....these little things give us daily laughter.
anyways, apparently if you test positive you will be kicked out of the country. i am surprised and fascinated that there is not really a threat of AIDS here. shakhawan told me it's because no one has sex. well, i suppose that could be true......i don't believe it though.
we're still here, our blood must be good.

let's see.....i must talk about the toilets. i've got issues. i am constantly battling with the whole eastern thing. it's summer time. i drink a lot of water. i have to pee a lot. and damn if i don't continually pee on my feet. most days i am wearing flip flops and the toilets do provide little attached hoses with running water. and i must say that sometimes water on hot feet feels good. but wait, try it with no electricity. my cell phone has become my own personal flashlight. i find myself wanting to text my girls and just let them know they have it good but don't they wish they were me. lol.
but, i did have a bit of an epiphany about prayer. every time one prays they must wash their feet. they must go to allah clean. it's a lovely thought really. thinking of this action alone i sort of get it. water. cool. clean. your quiet moment....nice.
but, i really like western toilets. and no sandra, i will not be better at crow after this.

there are more shenanigans. but, most importantly we have gotten some great stuff. bill and i are happier than we've ever been with the filmmaking aspect of this. if all goes well and we get the support we need you are going to see a great film about a beautiful country and people. there is such grace and beauty here. unfortunately we as american's do not get to see it.

much love.....

overlooking suli

suli

shaylan makes friends with everybody

men in halabja

new friend

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-25T05:55:00.002-04:00

while you are at your picnic's, bbq's, crowded beaches, or stuck in traffic we are celebrating by cooking mexican. bill's words "there is nothing more american than mexican food"......in kurdistan. well, we're doing what we can. i think the meat is ox and we gathered together various sides. cheese, hummus, baba ganouch, tomatoes, onions, and a very thin bread a bit like nan. voila! ox burritos!
and guess what? we have electricity. sweet.

we are now in sulimaniah. staying with friends. although i still can't sleep things are moving right along. if i can just get shaylan to stop telling me how to shoot or how to write all will be well. *sigh* little brothers..... lol. i should have remembered that at some point 2 opinionated people from the same family would butt heads. exhausting at times. there have even been some tears shed. as if traveling, jet lag, and heat were not enough. not having slept i think is finally catching up. and shaylan being almost the mirror image of me is not helping.

truth, there have been far more annoying things on this trip that i can't write about.
i will tell you about them in person.

on our trip to suli i asked the driver to take us swimming. he pulled over at Dukon
and i found myself on a raft in the middle of the river as bill and shaylan both braved the icy water. as always happens when people like us show up, kurds gather to take our picture and invite us for food. a few mentioned bush. thanking us for him. i always find this humorous and never really know how to respond. there are many who i think would actually like hilary in office. it's always fascinating to listen to other people's opinions about one's own country. if, you have an open mind and do not mind strong opinions. it is great to be an american in kurdistan because most kurds are incredibly grateful for the invasion.

now we are sitting in a cafe downtown sulimaniah. free wireless and pizza. can't really get any better. i find it strange that yes, i am technically sitting in iraq. and, i must admit that i am having difficulty blogging. there are many things i would like to write about, but, we are shooting them for the documentary and some how i just don't think it's a good idea. i am in the middle of editing our 2nd video blog. hopefully it will be up in the next day or so. i apologize as things have not been going as planned. but, we 3 americans are having a grand ole' time in kurdistan.

much love......

hawler bazaar, kalat, simone, bill

shaylan, dukon

said

simone

said, shaylan

breathe

2008-05-23T17:29:00.001-04:00

another day in kurdistan...

i am waivering between loving and hating it. it's all a state of mind any way you look at it. in a moment everything can change. and does.

the days have been long and hot. i haven't been able to sleep except in the early morning hours. by afternoon i am dead but i fight it and then i am wide awake only to find myself staring at the ceiling because the frustration of slow internet drives me mad. lol. i am so spoiled. i wonder how we existed without technology.

yesterday, helicopters flew over the city and shaylan and i raced to roof with camera's to catch them only to be blinded by heat and construction. we watched them fly into/over the citadel (the kalat) and disappear. it is strange to see any aircraft here as kurdistan had been a "no fly zone" for years. needless to say we asked questions and no one had any answers as to where they came from or where they were going.

i must say i have had moments of "what the hell am i doing here?". who cares? why care? why do i care? i go back and forth inside myself wondering why i even bother. the time and effort that must be put in to helping a country is infinite. but, every time i say i am american i get the response "thank you very much" "we love america". i thank the gods that i was born in the right country.

we were invited to shakhawan's families house for lunch. we were met with such grace and beauty. only shakhawan speaks english so he translated and shaylan came up with an idea to play a "universal game" charades. so fun. funny. hilarious really. i think we all almost peed our pants with laughter.
i love shaylan. he has such a way of making others open up.

at one point they all wanted to know everything about shaylan and i. now first let me tell you that this family was quite large. the woman of the house was the mother of 12. they all being grown and most around our age. the women beautiful. the men handsome. all educated. then there were small children. i have no idea how many. but i remember thinking how well behaved they all were.

the questions: are you married? have you ever married? will you have children? what do you do? simone (from the women) you have a nice body, do you play sports? turning 3 shades of red i told them about yoga, running, and weight lifting. shaylan being who he is showed them video on his phone of sky diving, flying helicopters, surfing, and swimming. they listened intently. then one of the men said "you have so much to do in the U.S. we have nothing to do here".

the experience was one of the loveliest. near the end of evening i found myself showing the women yoga poses. lol. i must laugh at this thought. but in my minds eye i have always thought:
"if you educate. find a common bond you can create change."
even through something as simple as downward dog.
and, i am not sure how it happened but i have promised the women to
teach them how to swim. can you imagine? i so hope for this opportunity.

so, our first week here and we're almost over our jet lag. bill, shaylan, and i are excited about the week ahead as we have some great stuff coming up. we are leaving for sulimaniah tomorrow. i can not wait. we will be staying with close friends. it's so amazing that i have good friends here. but, then again you make a friend with a kurd
you make a friend for life.

there is one thing i want to mention, i get the feeling everyone here is tired.
i don't want to say that they are going to give up the fight, but they are waning.
it is unfortunate to see this in a kurds face. honestly, i have never known such people tortured forever only to get up and continue to fight. to have them give up would be
a tragedy. this breaks my heart and maybe that is what i needed to recognize today.

Where is Shakhawan?

2008-05-23T16:34:00.002-04:00

it's our 1st video blog!
it took us many hours, well, days, but we finally did it.
very trying when the internet moves at a snails pace.
anyways, please enjoy and be kind....xo

welcome to paradise

2008-05-21T13:23:00.009-04:00

hello all.
i am a bit late with the blogging.
writing to you from the Darya Hotel in Hawler (Erbil) Kurdistan.

it all started with a flight to jordan where my luggage never arrived. my heart sunk as i thought about the next 6 weeks with nothing but the extra pair of panties in my purse and the pajama's the airline gave me.
i tried to be positive and found myself jumping for joy when i saw a starbucks.

it's the little things....

then, shaylan and bill arrived and the fun began.
really just all kinds of smells, heat, and major jet lag.
that is how i will describe the last few days.
sun so hot i feel i will fry in an instant (imagine wearing the same jeans for 3 days).
smells. some good. some not. it is the middle east and it has it's own distinct smell. a mix of oil, sewer, stale cigarettes, and cheap cologne.
the fatigue. the kind that hurts. hurts when you look at anything, listen to anyone, move any body part, and comes when you least expect it.

but really there has been such greatness to my days also.
being with shaylan. my brother.
for those of you that know him you understand that every minute with him is a treat. a moment you want to remember. his love of life is contagious and most stop just to say hello. what fun it is to be here with him and see things through his eyes.
another fun thing is Shakhawan. he is our interpreter. he is also a filmmaker. his short from last years workshop got into Rotterdam Film Festival. he is wonderful.
smart. funny. he is a kurd.

we shot our first video blog. our internet is not so great so uploading it is taking some time. but, that being said, it is our first try at video blogging. we are editing on my lap top and a small external hard drive. i must say that i feel quite accomplished to have everything working and have some of you to thank for it. ;o)
i hope you'll enjoy our silliness and may we get better at it. anything you would like to hear about let us know!

also, i went shopping for panties and shoes. i found some shiny silver slippers
and cotton underwear. not being allowed to take the underwear out of the bag i
got them back to the hotel only to find that i had bought tiny cotton g-strings with "welcome to paradise" printed right on the front.
sweeet! i had to share.

so the deal is, kurdistan......open. the kurds are ready for change. they want change. most do not want to live in the past. they want to grow. they want to
move forward. i am constantly moved by their stories and their ability to have a positive outlook on life. i believe i am repeating myself. i am sure that i have said this before. okay, let's try something new...

hey there's a war going on.
it is hot as hell here.
my suitcase arrived.
all is right in the world...

much love
xxoo

p.s. the internet connection is so slow that we are having a hard time posting our video blog. even uploading photos is difficult. we're hoping to figure out a solution soon. so frustrating. gotta love the u.s.a...

shaylan and simone

bill, shakhawan, shaylan

can you control who you love?

2008-04-07T02:26:00.001-04:00

this is not a subject i like to talk about.
the problem is that most people don’t like to talk about it either.
i thought it important that i/we remember dua today. it was a year ago that she was killed.
in the middle east there are people who want to live in a secular society.
isn’t that what we all want?
the right to choose?
basic human rights?
i’m just sayin’.......

sec·u·lar
adjective
1. of or pertaining to worldly things or to things that are not regarded as religious, spiritual, or sacred; temporal: secular interests.

honor killing

nonexistent

2008-03-31T13:05:00.000-04:00

newroz piroz be!

happy new year!

in the city of amed (kurdish name for diyarbakir) and through out turkey live 25 million kurds. the number is an estimation because the kurds are not real. they do not exist. their language does not exist. the letters x, q, and w must not be used because they are kurdish. simply saying you’re a kurd can land you in jail or beaten and left in the street. imagine that you are a kurd who refuses to be suppressed. imagine the punishment you get then.

though they were on this land long before the turks the kurds continue to be non-existent in this society. i am not sure how you turn a blind eye or for that matter not hear them.

March 21, 2008:

the day started with high energy. buses going to the celebration were filled. people were walking. everyone excited. alive. luqman and i walked through the crowd to get to the stage. i had moments of panic just being in a crowd that size. a boy came up behind me and kicked me. i turned around to kick him back but got crushed by the crowd. let me be clear in saying that any kurd that had seen this would have been appalled at the boys behavior. kurds take it personally when one of their own does something wrong. i have experienced the aggressive behavior in children who live without here. they take because they don’t have. they don’t know anything about personal space. most are lovely but there are some who have never been taught or educated. but then again, i am walking down the street at midnight and there is a 4 year old sitting on a bench. what is he doing there? why isn’t he in bed? who hugs him? there are boys playing soccer on the sidewalk because they can’t during the day. little girls who are selling tissue and walk with me tapping my arm until i give them something. in the city of diyarbakir the unemployment rate is 65%. i asked the question, "why do they stay?" the answer "well that would be just what the turkish government wants"......

back to march 21st:

after making it through the crowd and being lifted over the barrier

(monsters of rock has nothing on this gathering)

i stood on a stage looking down at a million kurds celebrating their existence. needless to say it was quite powerful.

i was in awe. it took all i had to not break down and cry for these people. so much passion. i was honored to be there. the people, the colors, the music blew me away. not to mention i was standing on the stage with my camera. i mean, how cool to be on a stage that big and shoot a kurdish rock band? way cool. but i will admit i got some great shots of the people who were not quite prepared for the "rock and roll".

but of course the kurdish music was awesome and the speeches given by leyla zana, osman baydemir, and ahmed turk were moving even though i can’t understand kirmanji.

maybe it was the crowd. maybe it was the day. maybe it was because i have never experienced such a hopeful and fighting nation without a nation. free kurdistan!

in the midst of this life changing experience i put down my bag. it was next to my foot for maybe 5 minutes? i have no idea but the little guys were quick. they came from beneath the stage and as smooth as can be they slipped away. they left me my passport but took all of my money and my credit cards. i blame myself for even having any of it on me. stupid. learned. sucks. but, they also left me 10 lira. i suppose for the cab ride home.....again, the kurds were appalled. thinking i would blame all diyarbakir and the kurds themselves. all in the experience...

the celebrations in diyarbakir were a success for the kurds. the turkish military flying their planes and helicopters low over the crowd had no effect. unfortunately, this was not the case in van, sirt, hakari, and several other places. according to the news, 2 people were killed, and more than 30 were injured, some severely, and more than 200 were detained by the turkish police, and military. among the injured, and detainees were some of the german and italian delegations. fighting because they were celebrating the new year.

*SIGH*

anyways, we finished the day with a beautiful fish dinner. the "ex mayor" invited us to dine. he is an "ex" because he started printing daily kurdish brochures. i find this still so difficult to wrap my head around. you are fired. you are put in jail. you have cases brought up against you. all in the name of being a kurd.

now i am sitting in the istanbul airport. i haven’t had internet for days. my computer says it’s connected, but it’s not. i thought it would change once i got here.....nope. i don’t know. i think i am a bit "depressed". i have been affected once again. what does any of this mean or what it will do?

i met a french photographer who said it best "i think the beast is ready to die".

may he be right...

another day

2008-03-19T17:11:00.000-04:00

hello all.
beautiful day here in diyarbakir.
the streets are alive and the energy is high as the kurds get ready for newroz. "new years"

yesterday i went on a road trip to the city of hasankeyf. it is 12000, yes 12000 years old. it sits on the tigris. it is absolutely stunning. there is really no way to describe the peacefulness, the beauty, the pureness. pictures can’t even explain.
there was a demonstration being put on by the kurds, the italians, the french, the germans, and many other delegations. the turkish government wants to build a dam that would destroy the city by drowning it and displacing 40,000 people. and, i hate to say it, but the majority of them are kurds so it really doesn’t matter.
i am not just speaking against the turks because i love the kurds. i have been shown time and time again that to be kurdish in a turkish government can be deadly.

a 12 year old kurdish boy went to school. he wasn’t feeling well but before they would let him go they wanted him to say "i am proud to be turkish" (all children have to say this is in school every day) not feeling well he slipped and said "i am proud to be kurdish". because of his mistake the teachers tied him up and beat him and then turned him into the police. the police did the same thing. a case was brought against him. he and his family actually won. but, to this day he shakes when he sees any sort of police or military.

turkish military went into a kurdish village and set off a bomb. it injured 2 children. the mother was blamed and put in jail even though there were over 300 witnesses to the men who had been there and done it. after 5 years of being in court the case was finally won. her children scarred and one missing his hand they have been given money to get a prosthetic. this is a happy ending and unheard of.

a man and his wife named their first son robin. when they tried to register his birth they were denied because the government claimed that it was a pkk name. the name being around longer than the pkk the man brought it to court. during that time his son became ill and they couldn’t get any medical help because they didn’t have a birth certificate. they had to hire a doctor to come to their house. anyways, needless to say after 8 months of fighting robin won.

these stories are a normalcy in the kurdish community. i have heard more than i need to in a lifetime. they get worse.
i am told not to say anything about kurds if i am approached by the turkish goverment. yesterday i said thank you in kurdish and was corrected by a young arab man. i wasn’t too thrilled but i moved on.
i also find it strange to have military helicopters flying overhead. on both nights of celebrations there were many flying over as if to say "we’re here".

anyways, more to come. the permits have been granted for the parties and it is sure to be an intense experience.
my head hurts and i can’t sleep. the mulah’s still sing. in an overwhelmingly beautiful society there is so much that i can not wrap my mind around.
i am swarmed by children constantly. i am touched by their faces. their eyes. i feel useless because, what can i do????

i do get to go interview the mayor of diyarbakir’s wife. she and he are both human rights lawyer’s.....

have a gorgeous dayxxxooo

britney's in turkey!

2008-03-18T15:24:00.002-04:00

yeah, that would be me......
god, i so would not want her life.
i like the fact that i can walk down the street and no one cares no one stares.

okay, second day here in "northen kurdistan". diyarbakir.
i haven’t felt like writing.
a bit overwhelmed.
always, so much.
did some good work today.
that entails hearing stories that break my heart and usually make me wonder why i have chosen this.
it’s too much.
but, then again, kurds......these people fight for their right just to speak their own language, use their alphabet, be who they are.
they are a people without a nation.
do you know what it’s like to be an american?
i ask because as soon as i set foot in another country i become quite ’aware’.
along with incredibly grateful.

i danced. i sang. i stared at the moon and felt the passion of a people who really believe in who they are. i wore their flag. a little girl on the wall brushed the hair out of my eyes so i could see. women kissed me and thanked me for showing up at their party.
and then there were boys......oh my my my......i need my own security (btw:i have it). i was mobbed. i punched a few as i felt their hands. maybe i shouldn’t tell you that. should i tell you that a march began after the dancing and instead of getting to follow i was shoved in a cab? should i tell you i sit like a princess in my hotel with my wireless wishing i was out on the street?
lol.
maybe not.

tomorrow is another day.

xxoo

anyways, newroz: wow......

DIYARBKIR

2008-03-16T16:48:00.000-04:00

hello all.....

i am celebrating new years in diyarbakir turkey.
it is the kurdish region.
yes.
they hate each other.
they being the kurds and the turks. but i’m not touching that today.
jet lagged and thirsty i have had an experience already.
and there is still more to come.
for now i have a few photos to show you what it’s been like......

broken hearted bombs

2007-08-15T03:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/15/world/middleeast/15cnd-iraq.html?exprod=myyahoo

i am so MAD!!!!!!!!
mixed with feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, powerlessness!
my flight into hawler (erbil) was cancelled because of these bombings.
there was the option of flying into istanbul then onto dyabikir where i would then take a taxi into kurdistan. my heart and my guts told me not to. not exactly the safest route.
i must admit that i considered it and really why let terrorism scare me? i thought better. i stopped myself and made a clear decision to be here now so that in the future i can be there.
i am so sad. there isn't going to be any american representation at the festival.
i am so angry at this sort of half ass fighting because it has made it dangerous to travel in the middle east. in a country filled with history and full of beautiful amazing people.
*sigh*
anyways, i feel sick. i am sooooo bummed.
i wish you guys could meet these people.
i don't know what it is that draws me to them.
truly lovely.

on with my day.
thank you all for being so supportive. you are AWESOME!
this is NOT over.
there is still much to be done.
much love.
xxxooo

iraqi film festival

2007-08-13T13:37:00.000-04:00

as if life couldn't get any more interesting......
yours truly has been invited to sit on the jury at, yes, the Iraqi Film Festival. i shall be taking a plane to Athens Greece and if the blue waters don't keep me there i will hop a flight into Hawler (Erbil) Kurdistan.
they say 3rd times a charm. and let me just admit it right now (as if you didn't know).
i LOVE Kurdistan.
so here's the question: do i take my camera and make a little mini documetary about this festival?
is this something you would want to see?
my new hd camera shoots 24p......pretty cool.
i'll need an editor.
*sigh*
it's a lot of work.
worth it though.
don't you think?
all good things take time and effort.

i am honored.

love to all of you.
xxoo

life changes in an instant

2007-06-16T12:32:00.000-04:00

hello all.
it's been a bit.
still in fayetteville.
experiencing life as i know it.
bill is no longer here. he left last week for a job in kurdistan. he will be teaching kids filmmaking. from what i understand they will have finished films and it will be part of the 'Iraqi Film Festival". yes, i am green with envy. i could have also participated in this adventure but, alas, my work ethic took over. *sigh* thanks mom. lol. anyways, i will be posting his letters as a blog on our 'thank you for my eyes' page if ya'll are interested.
so, here are some thoughts and bit of catching up...
about a week or so ago i witnessed a motorcycle accident. why do i mention this? for a number of reasons. i was with someone in the military and as soon as the accident happened, he was out of the car on the guy taking his pulse as another guy in the military directed traffic, held back the crowd, and took a second pulse. it was all very surreal. i was in a wind tunnel of sorts. but mostly as i watched a man lose his life there was calm quiet concentration. i can not explain to you the feelings or emotions i had at the time. not so much about the death but i felt as though i was witness to great work. lack of thought. action being taken.
to continue, i have been privvy to some combat camera footage. this is my job. i look at it. log it. put it where it belongs. i have seen footage from all over: iraq, afghanistan, africa, colombia, and the philipinnes. i won't go into everything i have seen. but, this week i logged footage of our military working on a little girl who had picked up an IED (improvised explosive device). as hard as it was to watch (painful, heart wrenching) these men worked together as a team and guess what? it has a happy ending. although she lost part of an arm and a leg she lives. her parents forever grateful.
why am i telling you this?
because.
before i ever stepped foot in IRAQ i was against the war. i had never met anyone who's parents had been killed, uncles and cousins hung, women who weren't allowed to choose their husbands or even go to school, people who left everything they knew just to survive. AND i had never met the people who are so incredibly grateful for america. the people who LOVE americans.
i have been lucky enough to be here working at Fort Bragg. i have been lucky enough to really talk to the men and women who have been to the places that we only see on the news or read in the papers.
please know this, they want to be there.

"I wish America could understand that you can't just quick fix this. I wish they could see the change. I wish the changes and the good were reported"
-a soldier back from his 4th tour of Iaq.

i want to see the change.
i don't want children here picking up IED's wondering what they are. do you?
we really are very graced.

may you be filled with love and light.
-simone

kurdistan to north carolina

2007-03-22T01:24:00.000-04:00

i crossed into the south and i was changed instantly just by the air alone.
then i ate some grits and my waitress called me baby.
*sigh*
less than a week ago i was in northern iraq.
i just drove 2000 something miles to north carolina.
who has it better than me?
no one really.
i am truly living in the moment.
nothing like driving for many hours alone to really get into yourself.
i had long quiet contemplative moments.
i saw spring blooming across the states.
i sang at the top of my lungs and wished i had my own band.
memories came flooding back.
good.bad.sad.future.past.present.
the lyrics to songs finally became words that i had longed to hear.
i wrote scripts, books, speeches.
again, who has it better than me?

therapy: a drive with the windows down music really loud by yourself.

-simone
xo

p.s. bill and i are going to be interviewed tomorrow for 'thank you for my eyes'.
you can hear it online at:
www.kpfk.org
3pm west coast
6pm east coast

fayetteville/fort bragg

2007-03-18T01:25:00.000-04:00

it's been awhile.
i have been here in fayetteville for what almost 2 months?
every day has been an adventure. i don't want to forget any of it but i don't even know where to start.

i said good bye to soldiers who left for iraq today. they are the kids out of the group where i work. some i have grown very fond of. i call them kids and am reprimanded by the major that "they are not kids they are soldiers". to me they are kids. to me they are goofy, funny, shy, intelligent, cocky, cool, flirty, talkers, jokers, insecure, fearless, crazy, sweet babies. i happen to be in a room where often 1 or more of them would gather to have a conversation with me. what i wouldn't do to have had a camera running everytime one of them has sat across from me!
the batallion, wives, husbands, family and friends gathered behind the building where there was a bus waiting to take them to their plane.
i watched. i hugged. i watched.
i was hugging sergeant dillon for the 3rd time and she says "i'm coming back" and i say "of course you are".
i was overwhelmed with emotion.
what really got me wasn't those that were getting on the bus, but those who were left standing watching them get on the bus.
the bus pulled out and we all stood waving.
did you know we're at war? how can you forget, right?
some days i do.

again, i feel blessed.
who gets to see both sides?
xo

p.s. last night i experienced a dance club called the palimino (country) on one side and south beach (hip hop) on the other. yes, split down the middle. i danced on both dance floors. i am having some fun!

this is video edited by kristen selph one of the soldiers i have had the pleasure to work with.

home

2007-03-16T01:19:00.000-04:00

where do i start?
how?
i have been awake for hours needing to sleep. my body
clock is a complete mess.
the trip from kurdistan back to los angeles was one of
the most excruciating, painful, exhausting trips of my
life.
thank god for kate, my 21 year old companion. i had
someone to look at for support. i had a mirror image
of myself. travel weary and delerious. it all became
quite the joke after awhile.
besides all that: a truly eye opening experience.
these are some things i shall miss about kurdistan.
sugar in my tea. that is: 1/2 sugar 1/2 tea. sounds
awful, right? not so. quite the addiction.
i will miss the openness of the land. the mountains
full of snow and the valleys covered in green. the
colors.
little boys watching over their flock.
bright shiny kurdish clothing.
the looks on the faces as i pass. it's not every day
that i am the one that draws curiosity.
the smiles and laughter of the children. it is in
their faces that i saw deep into a culture.
our driver amel. beautiful boy/man. he enjoys that
song 'glamorous' by fergie. we had a few dancing in
the car moments. he is kind and takes such care. his
story is one that breaks my heart. he does not come
from a rich family but is working hard at making
something of himself. he loves a girl. when asked by
his family to see her, her family told them that she
was unavailable. she was too busy. when they left,
she was beaten. for love.?
this is where i ask myself: what can you do? what do
you want to do? how can you do anything? why would
you want to?
resolution.
i am not quite sure where i stand. i do know that
this has only just begun.
i don't have any answers. i am open. my horoscope
told me to 'breathe' today. oh the irony.
i am leaving in a few days for fort bragg. north
carolina. i am looking forward to the miles.
thank you for being on this trip with me. it has been
great to share it with all of you. your responses
kept me sane and awake.
love,
-simone
xxoo

homeward bound

2007-03-13T08:02:00.000-04:00

we meet with the governor of sulimaniah. we are there
to thank him for dinner and his hospitality.
apparently it is he that has paid for everything. we
are very thankful. he thanks us. the kurds love
americans. it is now our time to have the discussions
we have been having with everyone. why we came to
kurdistan.
women's rights.
i am bored and a little angry. we have been drug from
minister to minister and feel as though we have not
accomplished anything. of course i don't even have my
camera. after all, at this point, what is the point?
he starts to talk. to answer our questions. i sit up
and realize i am hearing something new. i start to
feel a bit of hope. a faith renewed. (damn! no
camera! of course. thanks murphy.)
he talks about the americans. about the mistakes he
thinks our government has made. no gloss. he talks
about the two kurdish parties. the pdk and the puk.
wow. i am stunned and excited. his thoughts and
ideas are so refreshing that my faith in humans is
restored. i am not the only one. the energy moves
through the room.
he actually acknowledges the work it is going to take
for women's rights. he has great hope.
in the end we are all invited back to suli. i am
invited to come and work. to make a film. all
expenses.
we are given maps (cool) and 21 karat gold rings.
sirens scream outside and the governor says "the
Americans are coming." we laugh at his joke and in
seconds are surrounded by soldiers and a defense team
from mosul.?
my group of ladies are overjoyed and thanking them.
there is much talk of prayer for them.
i stand off to the side.
the reality of war is close.
i feel like a princess in her tower that can not be
touched.
i walk outside to the street and wonder how this has
come to be.
i am aching. my heart hurts because i want to do
something. i want to help these people get back their
rights. how did i end up here?
can my nationality and blonde hair do anything?
my emotions only grow as we leave suli. i want to
stay. i cry.
i try to call hama but i can't get through.
i sit back and watch the life fly by my window.
selling gas, selling nigiris, or just sitting seems
important here.
in and out of exhaustion we sleep, laugh, talk, and
take pictures. the land is so beautiful. seems so
untouched and from another world.
soon we're back in our 'travel' world. oh the hell.
to travel in the middle east (actually anywhere these
days) one must practice great patience. you will be
charged double for your luggage if it weighs too much.
first they will ask you to smile and then they'll
take your money.
then you'll wait.
and wait.
periodically you'll wonder where your plane is and
hope that it's only 3 hours late and not 10.
babies cry because it is an ungodly hour and you would
scream too if only your mother could hold you.
looking around i wonder how people do it. how they
don't die from the air quality, the lack of power, and
even water.
finally in the air. i am surprised by how quickly it
all flew by. 10 days. 6 days on the ground. 4 days
just for travel. i can't believe that is all it's
been. there just wasn't enough time. it seems
hardly worth it to me.
i am crazy with thinking i want to go back. why oh
why would i do that to myself?
reality: it's always worth it. there is always
something to see, to experience, to learn. the real
grace comes when i can digest it all and see light for
light.
by the way, did i tell you all i am off to north
carolina after this? yep. gonna do some research at
fort bragg.....
i can see the mountains of europe outside the window
of the plane. i am excited to getting back to
'normalcy'.
our group has all caught colds.
i will say this: for all the personalities, different
ideas, religious beliefs we did good. i have never
traveled in such an eclectic group. i learned a lot.

most, i like who i am. i like my thoughts, my ideas,
and my beliefs. i am incredibly grateful. i live a
wonderful life.
i can not wait to take a shower.
germany is right below us now.
i send you all great love.
thank you for being here with me.
love,
-simone
xxoo

sulimaniah

2007-03-11T04:12:00.000-04:00

i have 14 minutes to write.
the days are flying by.
i have an anxious feeling as i have not gotten
anything i need. i was promised all the interviews i
wanted.
i was promised the keys to the kingdom but i didn't
realize there would be a slight gloss of vaseline over
the lens.
my frustration has shown itself and my "leader" is
executing his rights of being a man in this country.
i am forbidden to make my own plans as i must show
myself in the governer's house. there are no and's,
if's or but's about it.
women's rights.
*sigh*
the irony of my situation makes me laugh. i came for
freedom only to find myself in prison.
i know that there are people here who would trade
places with me. we as americans get treated as
royalty. we are offered anything we want. it is very
clear to me how anyone could come here and manipulate
a situation. i have heard a few stories. i will tell
you in person. they go far beyond the "ugly american"
in foreign countries.
well, let me tell you a bit about my day in
sulimaniah.
first, it is one of the most open cities and you can
see men and women walking down the street holding
hands.
it is very dirty. the air quality sucks and my cold
has gotten worse due to gas, dirt, cigarette smoke,
lack of ventilation, and last but not least our
'leaders' not letting us go to bed early and then
getting us up at the crack of dawn. loving it. basic
training.
i will say this for him though: on his quest to get
his own t.v. show, as he was parading his american's,
he noticed i was fading and took pity. he had a
driver return me to the palace.
let me tell you about the freedom i had for a few
hours.
i met with my friend hama.
i love hama.
the day started with us trying to find my women in the
shelters. we met with a woman from the puk oil. i am
not sure what she does but she helped us find what i
was looking for. unfortunately it was a holiday. no
one in the shelters. no one available. at that
moment i wrote it all off and decided to just hang out
with hama.
we met up with his cousin. the chief of police. they
took me to one of the bases where battles between the
peshmerga and saddam's army fought. there we shot
guns. i think it's sort of funny that i never shoot
guns and the 2 times i have come to suli i shoot guns.
what does it mean? i don't know.
anyways, when we drove back to the city i asked to
stop so i could shoot (camera) the refugees from
baghdad. it was overwhelming. they live in tents
because they have no money. the children were running
laughing with no cares. there were dogs. chickens.
lots of trash. and lives living that which i can not
imagine.
we then went to hama's office where i found myself in
the middle of a 'RIGHTS' meeting. wow.
i have moments here that blow my mind. i find myself
in situations that are unfathomable yet are a normal
every day occurrence for most.
please come back. please help us.
we go to the bazarr. it's insane. INSANE. i don't
remember it being like that. hama takes me to his
project. he is buliding right in the middle of all of
it. his families home used to be on this land. it is
the only thing left and it is now a mass of concrete
under construction. the mosque is there over looking
the madness.
it is soon time to say good bye. my heart breaks and
hama says he is so sad. i can not explain my love for
him. it's just there. it is amazing to me still how
we humans find eachother in the world. how our souls
meet and it's a meeting for life.
i have a dear friend in kurdistan. he is rebuilding
his life. helping to build others. he fights daily.
he builds the future here. to me he is an example of
what greatness is.
i must go. the regime is calling. we are leaving
suli today. i am leaving the palace to return to the
castle.
i am home in a few days.
thank you all for being on this journey with me.
love,
simone
xxoo

mountains,barzani,anfal

2007-03-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

hey all.
don't really know where to start today. fighting a
bit of a head cold. getting maybe 5 hours a night. i
find myself sleeping for stolen moments in the oddest
places....
kurdistan is BEAUTIFUL.
we took a 3 hour trip to barzan. today was the
anniversary (i think) of barzani's fathers's death.
we went to the grave.
all around are billboards, photos, flags, and
appraisal of such a great man.
the land is unbelievable.
the sheikh welcomed us. no goats brains. liver.
i was given direction on what and how to shoot. i
have been told over and over that i am great but i
must do. the ladies were all a bit angry as they felt
as though we were cargo presented. i am used to the
'kurdish way' but am annoyed that i am not going to
get what i came here for.
it is difficult when you came here for truth and it is
really just politics. the question is, do you scream,
laugh, or cry?
trust.
as a gift to me, i was told that i would be going to
the gravesites of where the anfal victims are buried.
i got a little huffy saying i came here for women's
rights. had a moment with my host and we got
past it.
8000 people. nothing like stepping onto land knowing
that this is what is underneath your feet. all the
families praying, crying, singing.
i of course shot beautiful painful footage. i played
hide and seek with 2 gorgeous little girls and then
was given cookies.
i cry at the simplicity and the pain.
again, i recoginize that i am graced. blessed. and
truly alive.
the sky is big. the mountains are massive. the
villages are small but many. there are shocks of
color everywhere. i saw so many mountain dogs today.
they look like lions.
things here have changed. life is moving forward.
america is loved and my picture is in many cell
phones.
i am not ready to leave. i am not sure if i am ready
to commit. i was asked to give my opinion about the
conference. there were looks that said, well, you'll
come back and help build the shelter, won't you?
wow.
i knew this right? i mean i didn't come here thinking
anything less
did i?
I MUST SLEEP.
tomorrow we are off to sulimaniah and i may be jumping
ship so i can hang out with hama. yay!!!! i love
that i have a friend in kurdistan.
i know there is more. much more.
love,
simone
xxoo

women's rights

2007-03-08T15:43:00.000-05:00

happy woman's day.
today is officially "Woman's Day" in the middle east.
what do i know about women's rights in the the middle east? these are some of things i know about being a blonde in the middle east.
i know that if you land after 2 days of travel, tired, dirty, and just 'over it', you'll still have to get out of your van if there are men who need a ride.
if you express yourself when you're at the end of your rope, you will be laughed at, you will make the other women uncomfortable, but your car will come in 10 minutes rather than a half hour.
if you are blonde you can not walk down the street or ride in a car without being stared at. (this can be unnerving yet somewhat empowering).
in meetings with ministers speaking about women's rights you will be referred to as the one who should be covered so as not to be taken from your village. (really this is a compliment as they think you're pretty)
little girls and women will come to you just to take a picture with you and smile and touch you and tell you that they love you.
the other american women in your group will laugh and make jokes about you and make you ask for everything because they somehow believe you have the keys to the kingdom.
but, when it comes to you getting yourself back to the hotel, you're reprimanded because it is completely unsafe to ride in a taxi by yourself. you end up having to give the number of the taxi to both places and you call when you have arrived. riding down a 2 lane road with just Rashad you start to think, well, maybe it really isn't okay to be alone here.
the truth about all of it: there have been moments of of absolute beauty. moments of sheer gratefulness. overwhelming emotions. and plenty of frustration.
i have found it difficult once again to shoot what i want. although i do have the keys i am being driven here and there. monuments, ministers, dinners, and back and forth to a hotel on top of a hill.
i want the real stuff. the meat. the people.
i want the drivers to slow down. to stop pull over. let me out. take off the shackles. i do remember this feeling last time. i am assuming that if i trust, i will soon experience magic.
today was the conference. i saw what needs to actually happen for any of this to work. for their first time, it was okay. incredibly boring at times. it was not for the people but for the 'higher ups'. frustrating. there is a long road ahead of them. they have the passion. they have the history. if only they can grow from the past and concentrate on the future. but the goals are slightly askew. there doesn't seem to be a a concrete place they want to take this "movement". i admire their want. their desire for change.
i was brought to a place of wanting to help more than ever. my hands feel tied as i don't really know how i can. i have been asked to stay longer. i have not made any decisions about this yet. but, if i don't get to shoot the people, visit the shelters, find the reall stuff...
life is so funny.
i am off to a party. kudish dancing fun to be had by all.
much sight seeing tomorrow. and then sulimaniah.
i missed y'all yesterday.
my fatigue got the better of me.
love to all.
-simone
xxoo

FINALLY

2007-03-06T12:27:00.000-05:00

frankfurt.
walked around in the rain.
met with my group of ladies. bought a knit hat.
wrote this for y'all on the plane to kurdistan:

WOW. this goes down as one of THOSE experiences. you
ask yourself, should i be scared? should i tust?
yes, it's all good.
the mind races.
the smells are overpowering and i wonder if i am going
to lose it. after a 9 hour delay i am hitting a wall.
we're on the the plane. tons of people packed to the
gills.
remember how i said i couldn't wait for the smells?
well, i take it all back. the smell is too much.
ther are too many people. it's hot. i am definitely
on my way to the middle east. funny how all of the
sudden the picture changes and you're in completely
different energy.
there are many beautiful eyed kurdish babies.
many many carry on's.
i think, can the plane stay in the air with all the
weight?
but here's the real deal: we're delayed because there
was no gas in erbil. yeah. (i can hear you laughing
bill..)
right.
now-i sit on the plane. we are taxiing out only to
hear the captain say we must stop in cypres to get
gas. okay. then-we are returning to the gate because
there seems to be some sort of electrical problems
with the plane. should only take about 30 minutes.
WRONG! try an hour and a half.
the woman next to me is freaking.
the men next to me make films.
i have only been traveling for about 24 hours. no big
deal. i am sitting in a small seat on a plane that
won't take off, babies crying and men sweating.
i pod. orange sky. good song.
no fear. all is good. exhaustion makes things seem
bigger than they are. right. right.
we're off. we hit some turbulance. the woman next me
starts to cry. she grabs the koran and reads
furiously. her fear actually makes me stronger. i am
touching her and letting her know it's going to be
okay. this eases any and all fear i had.
babies breathe. the flight sucks. but when we
land...we're in kurdistan.
it's green. beautiful. the smells. those are the
right ones.
finally.
we're driven to a hotel high on a hill. like a
castle. there are clean beds, hot showers, and
wireless!!!!!!
i have requested the kalat and bazarre later. one of
our girls is missing her luggage. we gotta go
shopping.
love you all.
thanks for the emails.
we're just getting started.
xxoo
-simone

disappearing airline

2007-03-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

does it exist?
kurdistan air.
terminal 1? terminal 2?
take the train a few times, talk with a few
information desks and then you'll figure it out.
i am in frankfurt after an uneventful flight. soooooo
tired. everything is a bit surreal. i have a 10 hour
layover. i think. i'm not sure yet because i can't
find kurdistan air and the flight time seems to be at
3 different times and there is only one today! lol.
my humor has gotten me far.
apparently kurdistan air sets up shop 3 hours before
the flight. i guess that leaves sight seeing out.
i met one of my companions. her name is katherine.
she is 21 and blonde. cute. guess i don't get to be
the only rock star this time... she left me to find
the other women that i am traveling and "not"
traveling with. i'm on my own and loving it.
i guess i need to explain sophia, huh? my friend
suzie rose (hi q!) had her yesterday. when we found
out she was pregnant we talked about me shooting the
birth. then, this trip came up, and i wasn't sure if i
was going to be there. as sophia would have, i was.
so, needless to say, a beautiful light came into the
world yesterday and blew my mind. perfect beggining
for this trip.
so far i have had clear skies, seat 33 to myself, and
flight attendants who think i'm cool.
"it's all happening"
thank you all for writing me. i am going to try and
continue this. i love you all madly.
i can't wait to smell the smells and see the colors!
love,
-simone
xxoo

kurdistan or bust

2007-03-03T22:07:00.000-05:00

good morning.

i think i've packed too much. i asked myself earlier why i felt the need to be stylish in Kurdistan. seeing as what is really important is comfort. lol. and the truth: last time bill made it 3 weeks with only tevas and pants bought in the bazaar. (always gotta be a girl no matter what)

i have had an emotional week. day. who knew there was going to be an eclipse and brand new baby coming into the world? happy birthday Sophia Madeline!!!!! i thank sophia for showing me what it's like to be pink, cry like a baby dinosaur, make me cry like a baby, and learn to nurse. we have to start learning as soon as we start breathing, don't we? i also have sophia to thank for the late hour i have kept. she came right on time. on the day before i leave. how blessed am i? unorganized and feeling slightly anxious. but i drove in LA traffic blessing eveyone. sophia, thank you again.
women's rights in the middle east....no problem.

so, i leave for frankfurt and then fly to kurdistan from there.
i am attending The International Conference for Women's Rights.
i was an invited guest.
i am excited.
i'm so tired.
i shall hopefully be more eloquent the next time.
i send y'all much much love.

-simone

i love Iraq

2007-02-19T14:14:00.000-05:00

"The Other Iraq"
Kurdistan. Northern Iraq. Yes. I have been there. I was changed by going there. I am lucky enough to be going again. I will be leaving March 4th for the International Women's Rights Conference.
I have been asked many many questions. Why? What makes you think that they'll welcome you? What can you do? Aren't you scared?
I have no clear answers to any of these questions really. I know that the Kurds have never been anything but kind and loving towards me and ALL of America. I know that it is an honor to have been asked to come to such a conference simply because my presence will "help". Now, don't think I haven't asked myself a million times why me? What can I do? Well, why not me? Why not go where camera's rarely go and show the beauty and a hope of a people that I have fallen in love with. Why not do my best to tell the truth about a nation that is not a nation.
I recently finished a documentary (thank you for my eyes) that Kurds love and most film festivals have said no to. I have frustration because I want their story told.
I want the hope seen.
I want postive energy in my life and in the world.
Ghandi said it best: 'Be the change you wish to see'...
I ask you: What do you want to see? Tell me. What can I bring back that would make some of what looks a mess make sense?
Come on this journey with me.
Any and all thoughts welcome.

-S

BTW: Last night on 60 minutes (take some time to watch):
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2491526n

home

2005-10-26T00:43:00.000-04:00

hello!
i am home safe and sound.
this will be my last mass email concerning iraq, unless of course i return. which is quite possible. bill and i seem to have fallen in love with kurdistan. and now, we also have family in suliaimani at the refugee palace. maybe march. anyone game?
we left duhoq on friday morning for the border of turkey. candace and i had the film taped to our bodies as the guards are not allowed to touch women. we made it throught the border without much ado. there was a slight problem because the computers had crashed. so, we sat for some time with all the oil trucks wondering when we were going to be allowed to leave. candace, being candace, went into the main office (usually the driver is by himself) to see if she could do anything by batting her southern eyelashes. it worked. as much as she annoys me (get to that later) she does seem to get things done. we were off.
the drive from the border to diyabikir is like 5 hours. again, beautiful countryside. but still the thing that blew my mind was the amount of trucks lined up waiting to cross over into kurdistan. 3 in width and miles and miles long. got it on film. did i explain that kurdistan has all the oil but no refineries and turkey has the refineries. so, these two countries can't seem to get it together and work together. a lot of politics. sometimes, turkey will let trucks cross, and then other days not. can you imagine being these men? "hey honey, i'm going to work, i might see you in a few days or it could be months." and of course gas prices in turkey are ridiculous, where as in kurdistan you can get it for 3 cents a gallon, if the trucks have come....
so, we drive. we get to see where the "ship" is supposed to have been. that would be noah's ark. crazy, huh? it is securely guarded but i imagine it. the land still gets me. turkey is just as beautiful. i fall asleep only to wake up next to a huge truck and another coming right for us. we have another "good driver" he gets over just in time. yeah, i'm a little over this just in time thing. craving the land of traffic lights, at least 2 lane roads, speed limit signs, etc.
anyways, we make it to diyabikir. happy happy joy joy candace and bill's luggage is there. just in time. bill get's to put on shoes. he's been wearing teva's with socks the whole time. candace is excited because she is staying on another 2 weeks and well, you can imagine. a change of clothes.....
i won't continue on about our trip home. we made it safely. there was a moment in the istanbul airport that we got a little concerned. the questions of the why were you in iraq? what were you doing there? what kind of business? got a little tedious. but, we passed. crazy how much security there is everywhere. traveling becomes even more draining. i was never so happy to see los angeles.
so, we're home. the film is home. we start the editing process today. unfortunately we found out that 2 bombs went off in suliamani yeasterday. this is where we spent most of our time. this is where our refugee family is. my heart skipped a beat when i heard. this is supposed to be one of the safest places in kurdistan. god, i just wish it would stop. can't we all just get along?
anyways, much love and light to all of you. thank you for being on this journey with me.
love,
-simone

thursday

2005-10-14T00:42:00.000-04:00

hello!!!
i wanted to write another email because the sufi email is pretty heavy. i haven't been able to write for the last few days because we're busy, the connection is slow, or the electricity goes out. i have been pretty heavy in my heart since that night. but i have been taken care of. i am surrounded by kind sensitive people. but really, i need some alone time. space.
we have had some amazing interviews. the film continues to have a new face every day. we were hiking in the mountains yesterday and it blew my mind that i was in the mountains of iraq. we were with the chief of police. i shot a 9mm. i was good.
anyways, it's all very good. there is concern about the turkish border and the film. we have higher up's here who want to help us make copies as there really is no mail system. and no street addresses! but they do have a Ma Donal........
we might just take our chances because we are who we are. we have been taken care of thus far.
i miss you .
i want to come home. but i do love the work.
we are very spoiled. that's not even the right word. but we have so much.
love you,
-simone

the sufi's

2005-10-14T00:41:00.000-04:00

hello all.
i love your emails. i am sorry to not be personal with all of you, but know i love you.
before i came my father expressed his being afraid that i might see some things that would affect my "soft" heart.
2 nights ago we were invited to dine with the sheik. the head of the sofi's (soofi). we are picked up in landcruisers and escorted through the city. we pass through gates that are protected by the peshmarga. we are led into a beautiful long room. the ceiling is colorful, intricately painted, and the windows are made of blue glass. there is an american woman (besides us) doing research for a book on religion. she is in muslim dress. we are all seated systematically. the conversation is about dialogue. it is taking forever because it has to be translated. i am sitting next to the "sheik". he is fat, smoking, can barely breathe, and is sweating profusely.
so, i am bored.
i have to pee.
someone comes for me. i am led by a man with a walkie talkie down a long walkway. the guards stand as i approach. when i pass them i am suddenly in a beautiful garden. the moon is high and the roses sweet. i am very excited because i just know i am going to be led to a beautiful bathroom. not so. it's still a hole in the ground. but, it has beautiful tile, it doesn't smell, and it has toilet paper!!!!!
i walk back alone. the guards stand and stare. i wish for a moment i didn't have to return. but, alas, i do, and i am an honored guest...
the conversation drones on and on.
soon they are telling us about the sofi religion and the rituals they will perform. we are allowed to photograph and video anything we want. my heart is unsure at this point because we have been told of the rituals and shown some footage. but, i figure i can handle it. after all it is supposed to be extremely spiritual.
once again we are led outside. it's an open space. there is a circle of men. they are drumming, chanting, and moving their heads from side to side. my heart is beating and the energy seems a little off to me. one of the doctor's looks at me and points me to the circle. i enter the circle walking around filming all the men. i am so close to them. i start to notice that it is not only men but boys as well. i also start to notice what is going on around outside of the circle. (by the way, the circle is made up of at least 100 men). outside of the circle, sit women watching, children playing, guards on rooftops, guards all around. and i am being filmed as i am filming (it's okay because i am now used to feeling like a rockstar-LOL)
the drumming picks up and slows down.
we are led to chairs placed against a wall.
the men sit in front of us. the drumming starts along with the singing. it is very intoxicating.
tables are set up so that we can have water and soft drinks. at this point i am starting to feel uneasy. angry. i am sitting tall and continuing to film but my stomach is turning.
the drumming.
the singing.
a man stands before with 2 sticks of fire. he offers them to bill and then to candace to show them that it is real. he then lays down before us and puts the burning sticks in his mouth. his mouth is on fire. his flesh is burning. he bows before the sheik.
body and soul are not connected.
a man stands before us with a flouresant lightbulb. he offers it to bill and candace to show them that it is indeed real glass. he then takes a bite out of it. he chews it and swallows it as though it is a piece of bread. he continues this and opens his mouth to show us the blood and the cuts. he bows before the sheik.
body and soul are not connected.
a man comes before us with knives. he offers them to bill and candace to show that they are very sharp. he then opens his mouth, sticks out his tongue and systematically runs the knives across his tongue. i see the blood, i drop the camera, and hold onto myself. it takes everything i have not run out of there or not to collapse.
it continues. the drumming, the singing, the men. there are ice picks, spikes, knives. i am sitting next to the sheik. i do not look at anyone. my body and soul are not one.
finally it is over.
we are led back into the beautiful room. for dessert and tea.
they want to know what we think.
bill thanks them. tells them that parts of it were beautiful.
i do also. but, tell them i have a soft heart.
candace compares it to her cherokee background. she's good.
anyways, it's time to go.
i am the first in the car. i ask the boy who is driving us if i can look at his cd's.
there is nothing i know except shakira.
bill and i share a love of shakira.
it is the new album and we comment that we must buy it. of course he takes it out of the player and gives it to us. we argue. it does no good.
it is a gift.

fade to black...

2005-10-10T00:40:00.000-04:00

hello everyone.
i must hurry because i don't know whether or not i will be able to finish as the electricity comes and goes here. i had a long email to you and before i could send it....black.
we actually have some great moments in the film where everything is black. so funny. so normal for these people.
i want to tell you everything. i have experienced so much the last few days.
driving through hills. chasing goats (go goats! go goats! for you mom). drinking holy water. kissing the steps of temples. watching bill eat goats brains (i became a vegetarian in that moment). i found found out what it feels like to be famous. i have been followed, stared at, had my picture taken many times. it really became quite funny. at one point bill took the camera to film boy after boy after boy having their picture taken with me. i think this moment might make the film. heehee the title of the film has changed many times. "bill & simone's excellent adventure" "it's only a suggestion" "inside kurdistan" "a girl with a camera"
we have been having many 'lost in translation moments'. we have been getting a lot of good stuff and are very happy with our work. we have entered a world we didn't really expect. people are so kind and giving. they love americans and the united states.
today, i am tired. i need some space. i want i don't know, a pedicure. because of the rebuilding of iraq there is construction everywhere. there is continual dust everywhere. i couldn't handle it, but these people are just so grateful. honestly this has been amazing in that i must look at myself and realize that i have a great life. we are staying with a family right now that has over 900 years of history in iraq. one of the men is now fighting the government to take back the land that was taken from the people when saddam came to power. amazing. we have interviewed all of them so tonight we have promised they can interview us. haha
my brain is full, my heart is light, i miss you all. i crave the comfort of home. just your faces. i love this experience. there is so much more to tell you. later. or we can all just go see this film.
i love you.
please write when you have a minute. i love hearing from you.
love,
-simone

expect the unexpected

2005-10-07T00:39:00.000-04:00

ramadan has started. the mulah's are singing. everyone's blood sugar is low. i am wearing a shawl to cover my "naked" arms.   today we drove from hawler to duhoc.
on a one lane road we drove through mountains with big skies all around. the land is dry and everything the color of the desert. there are bright flashes of color from the childrens clothes. it's beautiful. i guess the children are what get me the most here. their eyes alone speak of long lives already lived. they look at you. and when i say look, i mean really look. when i ask if i can take their picture they say yes and they don't pose. i am hoping my photographs can do them justice. although we just got our clearance papers today so i really haven't had much of a chance. but we did stop for a bathroom break along the way and there were a bunch of young boys. i guess they were just as fascinated with us. they wanted my picture. "of course!" i say hooking my arm through one of the boys arms. i'm not thinking, he's 12....no big deal, right? yeah, well, i guess for a moment i forgot where i was. i was reprimanded and told that touching him meant i was his girlfriend and that i would probably end up on the internet somewhere! heehee  yes, yes, i will be more careful.
anyways, as exciting and weird as our days have been, not so much today. pretty quiet. we did break down in the middle of the road coming into duhoc. we decided to push the car to the side of the road and just get a taxi. i of course had to film this. so, there i was, filming, standing in traffic with the camera and guess what happens? yep. the peshmarga. they are there in an instant. amazing! candace puts on her mean american face and thrusts the papers into his hands. at this point i am just standing with the camera (it's still rolling) the man who approached me immediately says "okay, if there is anything i can do for you please let me know".......ta-dah! no problems. wow. i am so impressed with their security but i tell you, standing in the middle of the road with 2 young guys with machine guns on each side of me......well i'm not sure how i felt. it's beginning to feel some what normal.
okay next day......we did good work today.
today, interviews with a school.  the kids are all from families who have been living outside of kurdistan. their families returned when saddam was taken into custody. most of them speak english and wish they lived somewhere else. one boy was even from brooklyn. he introduced himself as "big willy". heehee they were great.
onto another interview. an interesting angry man. he was a peshmarga years ago. had serious issues with the untited states. we liked this. got it all on tape. i could feel the anger flying off him.  made my skin crawl but it was quite good. his son is a boy from the school.  he was amazing. but, come to find out he hates his father. again, all very interesting. well drama is good for a film.
then we went to dinner. i can't tell you how strange it is to be the only woman on the street, in a restaurant, in a car......i am trying to remember every detail of my days. can't believe i've already been here a week. tomorrow we are going to lalesh. they are having a huge festival. apparently there will be 500 virgins dancing from noon to midnight. we've also heard that they offer them to any men around. bill got a bit excited about this.
this trip is becoming the "expect the unexpected" trip.
i am having the best time now that i am allowed to shoot whatever i want. i am tired. craving a bath. and a salad with bleu cheese.
i love you all. hope you're having beautiful days.
-simone
more to come.........

the other iraq

2005-10-05T00:38:00.000-04:00

hello!!!!!
thank you for the emails. lord knows i've needed them.
i have no idea where to start. there are so many stories. and truth, there are things that i "shouldn't" write simply because my "team" would probably freak out. but....fuck em'.
so, here we go.
first i will say that kurdistan is full of amazing people. really. we went to the top of a castle the other day and shot the town of hawler (erbil on cnn) at sunset. it was so beautiful. and, most i was proud of my work. it has been difficult to shoot outside simply because we are waiting for our clearance papers. in fact there was a moment that happened where i was shooting a guy working on the telephone pole and the next thing we knew, the "assage" were here wanting to take us to jail. bad idea. thought i was going to have to call my mom and wish her happy birthday. not so. by the way the assage.....they are plainclothes young guys who are the equivelent of the cia. anyways, don't freak out, candace got us out of it because she's got connections. but really, you gotta hand it to these people they are really protecting themselves. they have checkpoints everywhere. the peshmarga protect the city. it's amazing. i feel so safe. but i couldn't imagine having to show my id just to go from hollywood to west hollywood. but, these people have been through things that most of us couldn't imagine. and really their attitudes are just brilliant.
okay, so on to a few other things. because we don't have clearance to shoot outside it has been quite difficult for me as an artist. it's like having my hands tied behind my back. there is so much i want to photograph, shoot, and i'm not allowed. god. the streets, the children, the bazarre, the peshmarga......i compare it to the muslim women and how they can't wear whatever they want, how they have to enter a restaurant through a side door, how there are clubs only for men...i feel the repression. i am not having difficulty respecting their beliefs, but i will say this.....i am very hot! and, i am very self concious just getting up and walking to the bathroom. and today i disrespected the men because i started to cry at dinner. i couldn't help it. people were talking about how they don't care for dogs and cats and then the stories started about how the animals were killed. yeah, i made a little scene. and really, just to let y'all know, i have been on my best behavior. i have expressed very little. i have been rather quiet actually. haha
there is so much to tell you. there have been meetings with ministers, military, playtime with the children in the house (i taught them some yoga), and the food......god they just keep feeding us! i would kill for some lettuce though. and toilet paper! geez! there is none. i will not go into details but i have some issues with the bathroom situation here.
anyways, we leave tomorrow. we're going to drive to other towns in kurdistan. we get our clearance papers so the real fun begins!
i love you all. and thank you for letting me know that you love me.
love from the "other iraq"
-simone

our first day

2005-10-03T00:36:00.000-04:00

hello everyone!!!!!!
thank you so much for the emails. so great to feel so close to home. i am writing all of you in mass because it would take me forever.....
okay.....
should i start with the weird flight from istanbul? strange. started to wonder at that point what i had gotten myself into. the plane smelled, it was hot, and they served sandwhiches with weird white filling. we landed in diyabikir. got off in the middle of the strip, passed some guards with machine guns, bill and candace's luggage did not arrive (i carried mine) and then we got in the car to drive into iraq. first, let me tell you, their driving laws are what candace calls "suggestions". our driver, assaf, very nice man, doesn't speak english and he's on the phone constantly. it turns out he is a part of this underground group called "peshmarga" this means "ready to die". these are essentially the men and women who fight to keep kudristan safe. somewhere in the middle we get a new driver, nazir. we keep stopping. our passports are copied, many small exchanges, at another point a new car. really i could go on and on about this but, my god it was so surreal. we pass hundreds (and i mean hundreds) of trucks filled with gas all waiting to cross the border, after all, we are american. but before that we stopped and they drained all of the gas out of our car so they could fill it up again only to sell it for more money. (and i got all of this on camera) i won't go on about crossing the border in iraq. only that it tops one of the experiences in my life. i will tell you that they didn't search our bags but one guard made me take my hat off. no worries, he was nice.
okay, so 38 hours of travelling and we reached the royal paris hotel. 15 dollars a night buys you a hot shower, a cot sized bed (clean), no check out time, and breakfast. there are a few things here that i would probably never adjust to. but the people have been great and the food, so fresh and good!
today, we had to drive to hawler. the capital of kurdistan. saddam renamed it erbil. instead of taking the route through mozul (a beautiful city except for the bombing) we had to take another. what should have taken 1 1/2 hours took 6. we drove on these one lane roads through the mountains. at one point we came to construction and found ourself "offroading" in a mercedes. i wish i could describe this. there really is no way. only that if we had ridden donkeys we would have gotten through it quicker. haha god what a trip! and this is my first day!!!!!
i want you all to know, that i feel completely safe. we are surrounded and personally escorted by the peshmarga. we are now at one of their homes. yes, there are precautions. they are taking the utmost care with us. it's lovely. the only part that disturbs me is that i can see the destruction of saddam. this makes me sad. but i can feel the power of these people. i am so happy to be here and really just want to do right by them.
anyways, i love you all. know that i am safe. there are more stories to come!
love,
-s
p.s. mom, itried to call but all the lines were busyxxxooo

almost there...

2005-10-01T13:30:00.000-04:00

well.........we're ýn ýstanbul. ý have been awake for over 24 hours. ý feel a být crazy. fell asleep sýttýng up ýn the mýddle of hundreds of people. who knew ý could actually do that? ýt's beautýful here. remýnds me a být of morroco. the trýp here was easy. (although we were searched ýn new york and ý was put ýn some sort of smellýng drug machýne) no fear on the plane. guess that means ý am supposed to be here. we met our "guýde" candace ýn new york. she ýs so geat. ý just want y'all to know that we're ýn good hands. ý am so lookýng forward to thýs. but really all ý want ýs a bed. we are back to the aýrport ýn a couple of hours to catch another flýght......then we get to drýve by car ýnto kurdýstan 4 hours. yeah ý'm really lookýng forward to that. haha
so ýt looks as though ýt wýll be easy to communýcate by emaýl. so ýf you guys mýss me wrýte me. ý wýll try and keep up. ý apologýze ýf thýs doesn't make sense. lack of sleep and dýfferent computers......
ý already mýss you. and ý love you. send me love.
ý send you much love.
talk soon.
ý am good.
love
-sýmone xxoo